Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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