That's intense
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
