The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Randomize
