I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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