I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
