i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
