Grow some girl-balls and come out already
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
