What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
