I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I wish my penis had an off switch
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
