WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Randomize
