if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
