Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
