i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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