he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
