So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
