I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I don't deserve a penis
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
