You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
