Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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