Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
