so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
