please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
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