Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
whose ass print is on the piano?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize