We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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