i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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