So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
