WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
love makes seman taste better
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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