This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
