peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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