We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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