some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
