How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
