I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
