So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
