hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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