The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
