my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
