Dual....:-)
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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