i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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