I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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