no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
