We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
