i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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