My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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