I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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