I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
