did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Randomize
