I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
