she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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