She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
