My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
