I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
