That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
